![]() We recognize and accept - and laugh about - each other’s faults, and rejoice in each other’s strengths. My husband’s ADHD symptoms are under control, and I understand and appreciate the effort that it takes. We thrive in our careers, and our relationship is stronger now than before. My husband and I moved from dysfunctional to happy. And, one day, each finds that the good things about their partner are what they notice most. They work on systems and treatments for managing ADHD symptoms. Each partner works at reframing the challenges that ADHD introduces into their life. Rediscovering romance and joy in your relationship again after years of hurt is a journey. The harder I pushed, the more he resisted, and the worse our relationship became. My husband and I learned this the hard way, mostly at his expense, as I kept trying to force him to do things differently. Their criticism or suggestions about how to do it better demoralize them. Often, an ADHD partner sets up a system that works well for the other, yet seems inefficient or strange to the non-ADHD partner. No matter how much a non-ADHD partner may want to, they can’t force their partner to get organized or become more attentive. Understand that such changes must be voluntary. Coaching and cognitive behavioral therapy can also help. If inability to follow through on tasks makes you unreliable in your partner’s eyes, use a smartphone reminder system or another organizational plan to get the task done. What you do once you’ve started treatment is crucial to your relationship. Medication is an efficient way to jump-start treatment, but behavioral changes need to be made. Learning to Treat and Cope With ADHD to Avoid Relationship Problemsĭiscovering that one or both partners have ADHD is just the beginning. In time, my husband was also diagnosed with ADHD. Around that time, our daughter, who was nine, was diagnosed as having a learning disability and ADHD. We stayed glued together only by our desire to raise our children well and by a feeling, deep inside, that we ought to be able to do better. We were angry, frustrated, disconnected, and unhappy. How could the woman he had married, who had seemed so endearing and optimistic, change into a fire-breathing dragon who wouldn’t give him a break and wouldn’t leave him alone?īy our tenth anniversary, we had considered divo rce. ![]() I couldn’t understand how someone who had been so attentive could ignore my needs, or be so “consistently inconsistent” helping out around the house. Not long after we got married, our relationship began to fall apart. When I got sick on our first date, he tucked me under a blanket on the sofa and made me hot tea. His intense focus on me was surprising and flattering. I had fallen in love with his brilliance, sharp wit, and his appetite for adventure. Signs Undiagnosed ADHD Is Causing Relationship Problems That’s exactly what my partner and I did. When you learn to identify the challenges ADHD brings to relationships, and the steps you can take to meet them, you can rebuild your lives. The good news is that understanding the role that ADHD plays in your relationship can turn it around. ![]() ADHD symptoms - and the responses both of you have to them - have damaged your partnership. If the above descriptions sound familiar, your relationship is suffering from what I call the ADHD effect. The easiest way to deal with them is to leave them alone.Įither of these scenarios can ultimately result in the end of a relationship. No matter how hard you try, you can’t meet your partner’s expectations. The person you loved has become a control freak, trying to manage the details of your life. If you have ADHD, you may feel your partner has become a nagging monster. Worst of all, you are stressed about being saddled with the household responsibilities while your partner gets to have all the fun. You nag them, and you’ve started to dislike the person you’ve become. They may seem to act like a child instead of an adult. They never seem to follow through on what they agree to do. Your partner can focus on things that interest them, but not on you. If your partner has ADD, you may feel ignored and lonely. Can ADHD Cause Divorce Or Other Relationship Issues?ĪDHD can be a contributing factor in a wide range of marital problems. You’re frustrated that you’ve gotten to this point, and you’re disappointed that you haven’t made things better. You can barely talk to each other about problems affecting the relationship. Partnerships affected - or should I say, distorted - by ADHD symptoms can bring “the worst of times.” Pain and anger abound. Relationships in which one or both partners have attention deficit disorder ( ADHD or ADD) range from successful to disastrous.
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